public service announcement, dirty truths

The lovely comments you leave for me always make my day. They also worry me, though, because they suggest that some of you see me as some sort of role model. You shouldn’t. I’d feel so guilty if you actually turned out like me. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m pretty great in a lot of ways. But there’s also a side of me that you don’t see too often that is totally grungy, selfish, and indefensible. Anyways, after seeing The Campaign (twice, actually, and it was way funnier the second time because of lowered expectations), I’m inspired to give brutal honesty a shot. So here are ten reasons why I should not be your role model.

1. I think I’m pretty great in a lot of ways.
2. I crack my neck in public.
3. I talk about people behind their backs, and I can’t keep a secret for my life. Seriously – this reflects a major character flaw, and I’m working on it.
4. I judge people who think “myself” is a fancy version of “me” and “I,” or who say “utilize” in any context.
5. I’m horrible about writing thank you notes.
6. I was home alone tonight, so I sat in the kitchen in a sports bra and ate anchovies out of a can.
7. I am blogging about sitting in the kitchen in a sports bra eating anchovies out of a can.
8. I whine about people respecting my privacy, then I blog about sitting in the kitchen in a sports bra eating anchovies out of a can.
9. Massive self-absorption problems, as evidenced by my use of the word “I” over 20 times in a 300-word post.
10. I blame all of that on my generation.

Okay, re: allegations that I'm doing one these "oh, my greatest weaknesses are that I'm just too much of a perfectionist, and I spend WAY too much time volunteering!" type things, here are more:
11. I'm a quitter.
12. I buy useless stuff just because it's on sale.
13. I can be super bitter about deeply stupid things.
14. When I'm in the wrong, I instantly come up with a justifying narrative so I can work myself into a self-righteous fury.
15. I fantasize about breaking bones of people who patronize me.
16. Wasn't kidding about that last one.
17. I say cruel things when I'm angry.
18. I try to outdo people.
19. My judgment is questionable.
20. I spend a ton of time feeling sorry for myself, even though I basically lead a charmed life and have had every opportunity and advantage I could ask for.

You have been warned. I feel much better now. Have a great night! Feel free to share any dark secrets (yay catharsis!) in the comments. And let me know what you want me to post about next time. XO