Q: What are your thoughts about all the articles describing how inflated Harvard's grading system is?
A: If anyone complaining about Harvard’s grade inflation wants to write my 25-page paper deconstructing the moral frameworks of the Upanishads and the Pali Canon through the lens of T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland,” be my guest.
Q: Is Lulu in college yet?
A: One more year. I'm recruiting hardcore. Doesn't hurt that we've won Harvard-Yale pretty much every year since she was a fetus. (However, she's a tough sell and not so easily swayed.)
|no boozecats were harmed in the making of this picture|
Q: Ancient Greek or Roman civilization? Please pick one, and tell me why.
A: Yikes, that’s tough. When we say Greek, what are we talking here? Like, Athens or Sparta? Ultimately, though, I’d have to go with Roman. Idealistically, I like the imperial aspect – the promise of citizenship in exchange for service. What a great way to build allegiance and also benefit from the talents of different populations. Aesthetically, I have a thing for symmetry, aqueducts, and decadence. And personally, judging from his type, I think I would have had a pretty good shot with Julius Caesar. We could have had something really special.
Q: Did you lose weight?
A: Don’t even pretend like that’s a nice thing to say. And while I don’t own a scale anymore, I do own three jumbo bags of peanut M&Ms right now, so I’m going to hazard a no.
Q: Do you have good time management skills?
A: Look. Sometimes you forget that you agreed to host twenty people in your room and answer the door in sweatpants and a bandeau with your hair half curled. And sometimes it's four random dudes standing outside your door, so you try to make conversation by asking them who their dates are. And sometimes they say, "No idea, isn't this a blind date party?" and it's really awkward so you throw a bottle of tequila at them and hide in the bathroom for half an hour until the girls show up.
Q: Utterly irrelevant, but can you draw?
A: Short answer: no, I have no talent. Long answer: I’m a total doodler, and I fixate on a different subject every few months. I was really into eyes in high school, which led to noses for a while. Last semester was a combination of calligraphy Oms and pin-ups. I have no idea what my teachers must think of me. Also, I really can’t draw hands.
Q: What is your opinion on Toddlers and Tiaras? Honey Boo Boo?
A: Toddlers and Tiaras: Horrible, no idea why you would ingrain such a messed-up conception of self-worth in a kid. Honey Boo Boo: AMAZING. That girl has mastered poise, self-deprecating humor, and irony at what, seven years old? More importantly, from what I can tell, they have a strong and supportive family. They have a conception of happiness and they are living it. They care deeply about one another, embrace their faults, and celebrate their values. They also collect like 5,000 toys for disadvantaged kids every Christmas. Remind me why we’re criticizing them when there are white-collar criminals and date rapists in the world?
Q: Are you a morning person? If so, can you PLEASE share some tips on how to be one? I am always exhausted the whole morning. I asked my (tiger) mom why, and she blamed it on my "pig-like laziness" and "poor time management skills". Then she gave me a hug. Figures. :)
A: “Pig-like laziness” is fantastic. Your mom sounds awesome. I’m the opposite of a morning person, but I have to wake up at 5:30 am three times a week. It is brutal. There is no way to make it not brutal. One time someone tried to be cheerful to me at a bus stop at 6 AM, and I almost stabbed them in the eye. Ways to make it better: lay out everything you need, and have a clockwork routine that you follow every morning. If it’s something you can look gross for, sleep in your clothes. Leave yourself as little to do as possible when you wake up. Nap later if you can; if not, eat a large breakfast at some point, preferably including eggs. Also, when you get to college, don’t schedule class before 11:00 a.m. You will understand when you get here.
These are all old questions! Give me some new ones to field while I procrastinate that paper.